Calmer of the Storm....

Currently, I'm out in Langley, BC, staying at Trinity Western. I came out here about a month ago, and am halfway through an internship, not only helping out where I can, doing those jobs that no one else wants to do, but just getting my feet wet in sport ministry and exploring this door that God has opened up for me. It's been a great experience so far, and in just the last 4 weeks, I've already heard and seen first hand stories of God working though the ministry, met, hung out with, and learned from some amazing people, and gotten out into the community.

The last few years have been quite the roller coaster for me. A good friend described it like this, "seasons of hurt and pain, and seasons of outright joy". I think it's a fair assessment. That's not to say that there's been months of only rough times, followed by months of only joy, but I do know that this ride has demonstrated a whole lot to me.

There are definitely times when I can't quite understand why God lays things out like He does, why we struggle, and why He forces us to be so vulnerable. It's probably just pride that stops me from opening up to someone, admitting that I'm struggling. But bigger than that, why do I find it so hard to even talk to God about it? Have we come so far that we fight so hard for control, and put ourselves in a battle that we shouldn't even want to win???

To this day, I go through periods of reflection and discouragement. One of my biggest struggles is with my ability to not let things affect me. I'm real good at putting on a great face, smiling on the outside when I don't want to on the inside, and just switching gears in my head so that I move on to the next thing in line, and forget what I was just really thinking about. This is a great tool some days, when the little things happen and I could easily get frustrated, but rather I just don't let them get to me and I move on. The problem is, though, that I have gotten so good at that, I've really gotten into the mindset of not even dealing with the big things.

In those tough times, I find great peace in laying in bed, headphones on, listening to various worship songs, such as "Calmer of the Storm" by Downhere, "And Now My Lifesong Sings" by Casting Crowns, and "When the Tears Fall", by Tim Hughes. I lay there and just get frustrated with myself, knowing I'm struggling, and again, it's that pride. I don't like struggling, and much less letting other people know I'm struggling, and that's why I am very quick to put on that good face. There's those two or three people that actually know what's going on in my life, otherwise I put on a great face, and I'm pretty sure that good disguise works.

So...

To this day I struggle with everything, trying to sort everything out....where God is leading me, what He requires of me at this point in my life, who I need to be more open with, and what should stay between me and God. But I do need to remember, this life is always going to be one of struggles, but those struggles are not the end of me. Rather, Jesus has already won the war, loves us, and is beside me the whole way.

That, in the words of a friend/champion out here in BC, can be rightfuly dubbed - 'Sweet Action'

Thank you, Jesus