It's an intriguing mindset I'm in right now...
Sometimes I'm pretty overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed from the busyness of camps, working with our team with anywhere from 35 to 67 kids. Kids that have an endless amount of energy, that need to be led by coaches that at least can pretend to have the same endless recources of energy, and are just looking to be loved. Kids that look up to us with so much respect, without knowing anything more than the simple fact that I'm the guy with the whistle who plays soccer.
Sometimes I'm relaxed, spending a few quiet hours in a billet's home, either napping, talking, or swapping life stories. I'm humbled by the genuine interest and love these people continue to have. They don't settle for providing a bed and many fantastic meals. Being able to return to so many of the great billets from last year has been an amazing opportunity to be in the middle of such a loving community.
Sometimes I'm anxious. A good kind of anxious. I'm anxious to see the next day, and witness from the sidelines as God shows Himself. Whether it's as an answer to prayer for a change in some kid's heart, or in energy for our team, He is so faithful and provides all we need. Sometimes He shows up in the coolest ways, like holding off the rain until 3:01pm, exactly one minute after we pray to end the day and thank Him for keeping the rain away so we could stay outside and finish the day.
Sometimes I'm lonely. Lonely in my spiritual journey, feeling pretty disconnected from everyone around me. But then, I'm comforted, because I know I'm loved for who I am, and the relationship I can have with Christ is personal, unique, and specific.
More than sometimes, I'm exhausted. It's a ride, every day, of leading, yelling, singing, running, praying, sharing, and encouraging. Just this past weekend I slept for 12 hours straight, and could have done it again the next night, just to recharge for the next week.
Praise God! Praise Him for the range of emotions He enables us to experience and go through. How boring would life be if every day was the exact same routine, with nothing new to challenge us, nothing new to demonstrate just how big God is, and nothing new to drive us toward Him, not only to make us recognize our dependence on Him, but to simply get on our knees and worship.
It's only when I take time to sit down, journal, pray, and reflect do I realize how big, how loving, how all-encompassing He really is. I think we all take it for granted, and are so quick to go through the motions and write off the emotions we feel and 'coincidences' we witness.
I think the only way God is anonymous is if we choose to be ignorant and oblivious to how intimate He is in our lives. In reality, He isn't anonymous, we just make Him anonymous in our daily perception of what goes on.
I'm embarrassed and humbled, but He is so faithful...
Camps has been a great opportunity to see God work, and I could sit down and tell stories for days of who and how He has worked through these church camps. I only hope and pray that we all carry this mindset of open minds and open hearts every day, forever....
Thank you, Jesus, for being so real...
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
"Alone, But Not Lonely"
A good friend of mine and I had an encouraging conversation yesterday, and that phrase came up....alone, but not lonely. We're on an exciting journey this summer, but there's more than a few times when I feel alone. Alone with the thoughts in my head, alone in my role this summer, and on an independent journey with God. It's frustrating sometimes when I meet up with everyone on weekends, but can't seem to relate to everyone what's going through my head, how excited I am, and how humbled I am as to what God is doing this summer.
But, every weekend when I have a couple short days break before we start up a new week, I try to reflect and sum up all the people, all the kids, and all the ways God revealed Himself in the past week, and I definitely do not feel lonely.
Our second week of camp took us up to Bolton, and we partnered with Bolton Alliance Church. It's a smaller church, and this was their first time doing an AIA soccer camp, so there naturally were a few nerves about how it would go. But those nerves were quickly gone when we walked in the pastor's home on the Sunday night. We immediately got this sense of excitement, peace, and confidence. There was a big group of adults, either teachers who had their summer off, or people who simply took a week's vacation form work in order to help out at the camp. They were organized, excited, and encouraging, to say the least.
We had 32 campers, which isn't alot, and they were some of the most competitive campers I've ever worked with. The World Cup tournament we run every day was intense, with kids complaining, arguing, cheering, and pumped up for it every day. We emphasize sportsmanship at our camp, and by the end of the week there was definitely HUGE progress in all of the kids. I have a ton of stories, but the end of the week was by far the highlight. The church put on an awards bbq on the Friday night, and invited all the kids and their families. There was about 90 people there, so it was busy. We coaches got a chance to go up and thank everyone, sing a couple high energy camp songs, and recognize each kid with a different award.
As everyone started leaving, the next hour or so was unbelievable. Here are some of the comments we received from parents:
- the mom of Michael, a high energy, super kid:
"I want to say thanks, Michael played a soccer game the other night with more confidence and excitement than he ever has." and "I'm going to call the pastor next week, and thank him and tell him how great this week was."
- another mother, who goes to a different church in Bolton, came to Matt and I, with tears in her eyes:
"I am so thankful that my boys got to spend a week with strong, Christian males...their dad isn't a Christian and this past week taught them so much."
- a father and mother of three campers, Ally, Julia, and AJ:
"You guys changed our kid's lives."
Those are just a few of the remarks. After an hour or so of goodbyes, some more emotional than others, we were down to just the volunteers who were so awesome all week. About 6 of them, and the 4 of us, got in a huddle, and they asked if they could pray for us. There were tears in their eyes, and one of the elders said we helped make history in their church.
History....
It's impossible to feel lonely when people surrround us like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm humbled to hear those words. To me, I am so blessed to even come alongside these churches this summer. I don't feel worthy at all to be treated the way we are, and to hear those words, they blew me away. It put things in perspective, how open these people are to how God is moving in their community, and how open they are to God using them as small parts in His mission.
I don't speak for myself, I know all 4 of us coaches were in awe that night. We couldn't deny the presence of God there, and we couldn't help but smile. Listening to Hillsongs and Casting Crowns on the way home, I looked over at Julie, and she had this look on her face. I said, "You're with God right now aren't you", with litle wink and big smile, and if you know Jules, she just giggles and is overflowing with this joy.
I'll write more about our third week, in Erin Village, later....
Thank you Jesus, for Bolton Alliance Church.
But, every weekend when I have a couple short days break before we start up a new week, I try to reflect and sum up all the people, all the kids, and all the ways God revealed Himself in the past week, and I definitely do not feel lonely.
Our second week of camp took us up to Bolton, and we partnered with Bolton Alliance Church. It's a smaller church, and this was their first time doing an AIA soccer camp, so there naturally were a few nerves about how it would go. But those nerves were quickly gone when we walked in the pastor's home on the Sunday night. We immediately got this sense of excitement, peace, and confidence. There was a big group of adults, either teachers who had their summer off, or people who simply took a week's vacation form work in order to help out at the camp. They were organized, excited, and encouraging, to say the least.
We had 32 campers, which isn't alot, and they were some of the most competitive campers I've ever worked with. The World Cup tournament we run every day was intense, with kids complaining, arguing, cheering, and pumped up for it every day. We emphasize sportsmanship at our camp, and by the end of the week there was definitely HUGE progress in all of the kids. I have a ton of stories, but the end of the week was by far the highlight. The church put on an awards bbq on the Friday night, and invited all the kids and their families. There was about 90 people there, so it was busy. We coaches got a chance to go up and thank everyone, sing a couple high energy camp songs, and recognize each kid with a different award.
As everyone started leaving, the next hour or so was unbelievable. Here are some of the comments we received from parents:
- the mom of Michael, a high energy, super kid:
"I want to say thanks, Michael played a soccer game the other night with more confidence and excitement than he ever has." and "I'm going to call the pastor next week, and thank him and tell him how great this week was."
- another mother, who goes to a different church in Bolton, came to Matt and I, with tears in her eyes:
"I am so thankful that my boys got to spend a week with strong, Christian males...their dad isn't a Christian and this past week taught them so much."
- a father and mother of three campers, Ally, Julia, and AJ:
"You guys changed our kid's lives."
Those are just a few of the remarks. After an hour or so of goodbyes, some more emotional than others, we were down to just the volunteers who were so awesome all week. About 6 of them, and the 4 of us, got in a huddle, and they asked if they could pray for us. There were tears in their eyes, and one of the elders said we helped make history in their church.
History....
It's impossible to feel lonely when people surrround us like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm humbled to hear those words. To me, I am so blessed to even come alongside these churches this summer. I don't feel worthy at all to be treated the way we are, and to hear those words, they blew me away. It put things in perspective, how open these people are to how God is moving in their community, and how open they are to God using them as small parts in His mission.
I don't speak for myself, I know all 4 of us coaches were in awe that night. We couldn't deny the presence of God there, and we couldn't help but smile. Listening to Hillsongs and Casting Crowns on the way home, I looked over at Julie, and she had this look on her face. I said, "You're with God right now aren't you", with litle wink and big smile, and if you know Jules, she just giggles and is overflowing with this joy.
I'll write more about our third week, in Erin Village, later....
Thank you Jesus, for Bolton Alliance Church.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
"You're on Holy Ground..."
Wow....
That's what comes to mind when I try to sum up our first week of camps this summer.
We went up to Camp Aush-Bik-Koong, ABK, and were there for almost a full week. I got home to St. Catharines just a few hours ago, and I'm trying to reflect and wrap my mind around everything that happened. I think it's fair to say I'm in awe. I'm in awe of how God moved in that camp. I'm in awe of how quickly God opened doors, not only for our AIA team, but for the entire staff and campers at ABK. I'm in awe of how powerfully He broke down kids' hearts, and how encouraging the body of His church is.
Angie, a staff member at ABK and a real gem of a girl, laid it out pretty simply for me, and reminded me that "being in awe is a good place to be." On Thursday night, I was trying to grasp what God was doing at camp, and after a great talk with her and another staff member, Sarah, I couldn't help but smile and be filled with encouragement and peace that God was there.
On Wednesday night, Eric, a 13 year old camper, came up to me and asked if we could talk. He said he heard that I had dealt with some of the same struggles that he was going through, and he wanted to know how I was dealing with it. I jumped at it, and after chapel that night, we went out to the beach and sat down. I asked him what was up, thinking he had heard my testimony that morning which I had given during our Team Time. He flat out said, "I'm pissed at God."
What came about that night was something I could never have expected or prepared for, and will never forget.
I asked him why he was mad at God, and he just started telling his story. He had lost 6 brothers and sisters, either to miscarriages or young infant deaths. He was an only child, and was mad at God for not letting his brothers and sister live.
In my head, I was trying to understand why he was coming to me with this. Then it hit me. In random conversation the night before with some of the staff, I mentioned that I was supposed to be a twin, and the other one had died early on in the pregnancy. I always tell that as a random, interesting fact about myself, and NEVER has it really hit home with me or made me think twice about it. But I guess Eric had approached another staff member, and they encouraged him to come talk to me.
I prayed silently for God to give me the words to speak, because I was so taken aback by what Eric had opened up about, and just gave it up to God to take control of this and use me for it. I won't lie, I was pretty scared. I asked Eric if he believed in Jesus, and what that meant to him. He told me that he committed his life to Christ 3 years ago at ABK, and knew that God loved us and had a purpose for each of our lives. Eric was mad at God, because he thought none of his brothers or sisters ever got the chance to live out their purpose. He went on to tell me he would never get the chance to enjoy that unconditional love and bond that a brother and sister could have. It just wasn't fair, he said.
He went on to tell me how he wanted to be the best, so that he could make up for his brothers and sister here on earth. He wanted to help people, and wanted them to be loved. But, he said, he kept getting frustrated because it was never good enough, and he was sick of it.
Still praying, very hard, I jumped in when he said he felt like he was climbing a mountain, but had stopped short from the top. I told him how excited I was that he had given his life up to Christ, but before he would be able to go much farther up 'that mountain', he was going to have to forgive God, and give up control in his life. I asked him if he believed his brothers and sister were in heaven, and he said yes. I told him I totally agreed, and asked him, "Don't you think they are in a better place?" He replied, "But they never got to live out their purpose, and it's not fair." I then threw out this suggestion to him, that maybe the real purpose of his brothers and sisters was simply to bring him to this point where he would have to give up control and get closer to God. I told him that the void he has from no brother or sister can be not only filled, but overflow with the love of Jesus. I tried to paint a picture of his brothers and sisters in heaven, worshipping God, and cheering him on right NOW, and that when he finished HIS purpose here, he would get to be up there with them, all 6 of them, and his parents. I told him how excited I was to see him there, in heaven, with his whole family. He started to really get encouraged.
I told him, though, that before anything happened, and he could reach the potential of God's call for his life, he had to forgive God for taking his brothers and sisters, and give up control. Eric knew it, and we talked for a long time about what that might be like. I told him how much he had encouraged me and humbled me that night, and I thanked him for that. Then we got on our knees and prayed. I asked him if he wanted me to pray, but he said no, he had to do it, it was his thing. So, with both of us crying, he asked God for forgiveness fro hoe he had treated God, and prayed that he knew God had a plan all along, and forgave Him, and asked God to use him for some big things.
Yes, Eric is 13....
I was shaking. When I finally said goodnight to him, and crawled into bed, I was shaking. When I woke up the next morning, I was still shaking. That night, I was still shaking. It wasn't a scared shaking, it was an 'awe' shaking. I was in so much awe of how good God is! Eric touched my life, and as I told some of the staff about it the next day, Sarah came up to me and said, "You're on holy ground, Darren."
It's so true! God was there, and Eric is only one of many stories where God touched hearts, and filled them. He reached kids, staff, and leaders. I could write a whole lot more about everything and everyone, but it's late, it's been a long week, and I need sleep!
Thank you Jesus, for Eric.
Thank you Jesus, for loving us more than any brother or sister ever could.
Thank you, Jesus, for forgiveness.
That's what comes to mind when I try to sum up our first week of camps this summer.
We went up to Camp Aush-Bik-Koong, ABK, and were there for almost a full week. I got home to St. Catharines just a few hours ago, and I'm trying to reflect and wrap my mind around everything that happened. I think it's fair to say I'm in awe. I'm in awe of how God moved in that camp. I'm in awe of how quickly God opened doors, not only for our AIA team, but for the entire staff and campers at ABK. I'm in awe of how powerfully He broke down kids' hearts, and how encouraging the body of His church is.
Angie, a staff member at ABK and a real gem of a girl, laid it out pretty simply for me, and reminded me that "being in awe is a good place to be." On Thursday night, I was trying to grasp what God was doing at camp, and after a great talk with her and another staff member, Sarah, I couldn't help but smile and be filled with encouragement and peace that God was there.
On Wednesday night, Eric, a 13 year old camper, came up to me and asked if we could talk. He said he heard that I had dealt with some of the same struggles that he was going through, and he wanted to know how I was dealing with it. I jumped at it, and after chapel that night, we went out to the beach and sat down. I asked him what was up, thinking he had heard my testimony that morning which I had given during our Team Time. He flat out said, "I'm pissed at God."
What came about that night was something I could never have expected or prepared for, and will never forget.
I asked him why he was mad at God, and he just started telling his story. He had lost 6 brothers and sisters, either to miscarriages or young infant deaths. He was an only child, and was mad at God for not letting his brothers and sister live.
In my head, I was trying to understand why he was coming to me with this. Then it hit me. In random conversation the night before with some of the staff, I mentioned that I was supposed to be a twin, and the other one had died early on in the pregnancy. I always tell that as a random, interesting fact about myself, and NEVER has it really hit home with me or made me think twice about it. But I guess Eric had approached another staff member, and they encouraged him to come talk to me.
I prayed silently for God to give me the words to speak, because I was so taken aback by what Eric had opened up about, and just gave it up to God to take control of this and use me for it. I won't lie, I was pretty scared. I asked Eric if he believed in Jesus, and what that meant to him. He told me that he committed his life to Christ 3 years ago at ABK, and knew that God loved us and had a purpose for each of our lives. Eric was mad at God, because he thought none of his brothers or sisters ever got the chance to live out their purpose. He went on to tell me he would never get the chance to enjoy that unconditional love and bond that a brother and sister could have. It just wasn't fair, he said.
He went on to tell me how he wanted to be the best, so that he could make up for his brothers and sister here on earth. He wanted to help people, and wanted them to be loved. But, he said, he kept getting frustrated because it was never good enough, and he was sick of it.
Still praying, very hard, I jumped in when he said he felt like he was climbing a mountain, but had stopped short from the top. I told him how excited I was that he had given his life up to Christ, but before he would be able to go much farther up 'that mountain', he was going to have to forgive God, and give up control in his life. I asked him if he believed his brothers and sister were in heaven, and he said yes. I told him I totally agreed, and asked him, "Don't you think they are in a better place?" He replied, "But they never got to live out their purpose, and it's not fair." I then threw out this suggestion to him, that maybe the real purpose of his brothers and sisters was simply to bring him to this point where he would have to give up control and get closer to God. I told him that the void he has from no brother or sister can be not only filled, but overflow with the love of Jesus. I tried to paint a picture of his brothers and sisters in heaven, worshipping God, and cheering him on right NOW, and that when he finished HIS purpose here, he would get to be up there with them, all 6 of them, and his parents. I told him how excited I was to see him there, in heaven, with his whole family. He started to really get encouraged.
I told him, though, that before anything happened, and he could reach the potential of God's call for his life, he had to forgive God for taking his brothers and sisters, and give up control. Eric knew it, and we talked for a long time about what that might be like. I told him how much he had encouraged me and humbled me that night, and I thanked him for that. Then we got on our knees and prayed. I asked him if he wanted me to pray, but he said no, he had to do it, it was his thing. So, with both of us crying, he asked God for forgiveness fro hoe he had treated God, and prayed that he knew God had a plan all along, and forgave Him, and asked God to use him for some big things.
Yes, Eric is 13....
I was shaking. When I finally said goodnight to him, and crawled into bed, I was shaking. When I woke up the next morning, I was still shaking. That night, I was still shaking. It wasn't a scared shaking, it was an 'awe' shaking. I was in so much awe of how good God is! Eric touched my life, and as I told some of the staff about it the next day, Sarah came up to me and said, "You're on holy ground, Darren."
It's so true! God was there, and Eric is only one of many stories where God touched hearts, and filled them. He reached kids, staff, and leaders. I could write a whole lot more about everything and everyone, but it's late, it's been a long week, and I need sleep!
Thank you Jesus, for Eric.
Thank you Jesus, for loving us more than any brother or sister ever could.
Thank you, Jesus, for forgiveness.
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