It's over...

Well...

The end of an adventure. 4 months of traveling, working, and experiencing God. It's overwhelming right now, to be honest, as I sit in bed, thinking about it all. I really feel like I need some serious down-time to actually digest everything that's happened. A big part of me says it's gonna take a while, and I need to relax and grasp it all. A smaller part of me says bring on the next step.

It seems like forever ago that I jumped on that plane out to BC, and spent a couple months there. It still feels like forever ago that our team met in Brantford, assembled ourselves, and embarked on a roller coaster ride of a ministry. After 8 weeks of never being in the same city for more than 5 days, moving into the homes of complete strangers on a Sunday night, and leaving what quickly became family every Friday night, it's awkward to think I'm going to be 'settling' down.

I wouldn't do justice to this adventure by trying to sum everything up in a simple blog, and even the things I have tried to write down and share are just the start. But here are just a few of the things I've learned:

- Humility is the mark of effective leadership. Wherever we went this summer, we were automatically put on some sort of pedestal, because of expectations from our position. It was tough, for sure, but the more we were given opportunity to lead, the more doors God opened for us as a team to reach people, the more I felt unworthy. Why would God put me, a young, proud, confused guy in a position to impact almost 500 kids, dozens of youth, and 8 different Christian communities? I think God knew that a simple, small task would lead me to think I could be in control and would be able to do it on my own power. So, He put this huge ministry in our laps, and forced us to give it up to Him, and man, did He ever answer prayer!

- It's gotta be Darren & God before Darren & anything/anyone else. I've always known that God is #1, but how often have I actually lived it out. This is a struggle for so many people, I know, and I'm just starting to realize that He has to be the only One in front of me, no one else can stand in that way, or I'm going to lose sight of Him. Sharing my testimony every week was a powerful reminder of what happens when we get distracted and try to take on the world on our own.

- There's a community of believers that is ALIVE. This vitality comes from the Holy Spirit, and it is contagious! How else could dozens of kids come to know Christ like they did this summer? How else could the four of us feel so encouraged, blessed, and in awe of how God uses His people to help each other and lift each other up??

Ok, so that's three major areas....there's probably a dozen more, but those three come to mind now.

Praise God for who He is, His awesome character, His intimacy with each and every one of HIS children, and how much bigger He is than the limits we like to put on what He can do!

I mentioned the whole 'settling down' thing. I guess I mean being able to unpack my clothes form my duffel bag and sleep in the same bed for more than a couple weeks. Yeah, it's been a long time. Other than that though, settling down will also include a varsity soccer season, 6 courses, and helping Eric with a dorm of 6 first years, all the while keeping contact with people from this summer and out west. Ummmmm....

I'm not sure if or how often I'll be keeping this blog up. It might turn into a regular outlet for me, or a not so regular thing, we'll see....

But, I need to say this...

Thank you, Jesus, for -

- ABK
- Bolton Alliance Church
- Erin Village Alliance Church
- Owen Sound Alliance Church
- Cedar Creek Community Church
- Faith Evangelical Missionary Church
- TIllsonburg Alliance Church
- and all the phenomenal youth, pastors, billets, parents, and friends there.....you know who you are....
- the kids...PRAISE GOD for those kids

"Till I See You..."

Ever since my last week in BC and my internship with AIA, there's a song that's stuck with me. It's stuck with me for a number of reasons, as I plan for the future, as I work in these camps, and continue to sit back and learn and watch how God works. For the first month or so since I came home, I listened to this song every night, on repeat, as I fell asleep. Lately it's been a toss up between this song and another Hillsong United song, but I still listen to it frequently. I thought I'd share it and some of my thoughts that result from it...

"TIll I See You" - Hillsong

"The greatest love that anyone could ever know
It overcame the cross and grave to find my soul.
And till I see You face to face,
And grace amazing takes me home,
I'll trust in You..."

I've learned and am learning how little effect or impact I have on what Christ did for me. He offers a love that is so much bigger, stronger, and encompassing than any other love I can have. Whether that love comes from myself, or my family, or friends, I can't trust in it like I can trust in His love.

"...and, Lord, I am willing to see Your kingdom come,
And in my heart I pray to You that Your will be done.
And till I see You face to face,
And grace amazing takes me home,
I'll trust in You..."

I need to live in an anticipation of "Your will be done, in heaven and on earth". God, use me for Your will. I want to see Your kingdom established here on earth. In kids, in youth, in parents, in churches, everywhere.

"...I will live to love You,
I will live to bring you praise,
I will live a child in awe of You..."

God, wherever You lead me, I want to live a life that worships you. I've seen and written about kids, this summer, that have come to know You in a powerful, loving way, and be in simple awe. I want that awe, every morning and evening, as You continue to show yourself here.

"You are the voice that called the universe to be,
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me.
And till I see You face to face,
And grace amazing takes me home,
I'll trust in You..."

I give it up to You, God, as You are the Creator that didn't just complete a project and let it go. Today, still, You speak to me, in my heart. Open my ears to those 'whispers', and I trust in You.

" 'Cause You alone, are God of all,
You, alone, are worthy Lord,
And with all I am,
My soul will bless Your name."

This song has hit me in more than a few ways, and even after listening to it alot, (itunes tells me 82 times since June 28) it still brings me to tears some nights. It's a combination of that child in awe as I work this summer at these camps, and God continues to open our eyes to how great, loving, and intimate He is. It's a combination of humility, as I realize and try to have peace in the fact that it's not at all because of anything I can do, and surrender to His control. He has a huge plan for the dozens of kids that have come to know Him and committed their lives to Him this summer. He has a huge plan for the youth that have been stretched and encouraged in their own young ministry. He has a huge plan for each church as they continue to reach into their community, establish relationships, and bring His good news to them.

Thank you, Jesus.

...

This is the third night in a row now that I'm in bed, sitting with my laptop, starting to write something down here on the blog. I try to write about the things going on this summer, first when I was out west, and now as camps push on. It's turned into a simple recording of God showing Himself to me and the people I'm on this journey with.

I'm not sure why it's been hard to sit down and journal, or write this blog, but I do know one thing...

I'm tired...

To be honest, I get frustrated with myself, being tired. Sure, the novelty of the routine/schedule of day after day of camp is wearing off. The beauty of these camps, though, is that even our eighth week, next week, will be with brand new people, brand new kids, and a whole new ministry approach.

The problem is that I'm tired in more ways than just physical. I'm emotionally and spiritually tired. But that's where the frustration comes in.

Why am I frustrated/tired, when all around me there are kids being loved, some in ways they have never been loved before?

Why am I frustrated/tired, when I am surrounded by a family of believers that treat me like a son and brother?

Why am I frustrated/tired, when today at lunch, Brandon, 13, has tears in his eyes as two of us talk to him about how much God loves him, and how he just wants to know what its like to be loved by Jesus?

Why am I frustrated/tired when I know and see God working SO intimately with these camps? At our first camp here in Erin, God held the rain off until 3:01, one minute after camp was over. Yesterday, He held it off until 2:50. Okay, so we had ten minutes of rain...I'll take it. He's got a sense of humour, and I love it.

Why am I frustrated when I have a family at home that loves me unconditionally, and I know I always have a place to go and even escape to if necessary?

I'm learning, baby step by baby step, that we are in a war. Ephesians 6 reminds us that the battles we fight are NOT against flesh and blood, but against the powers of darkness. I used to read that passage and nod in agreement, but that was the extent of my appreciation towards the concept. This summer, though, more than ever, I'm seeing and experiencing this battle in ways that are tiring. I know I just need a good night's sleep, but lie in bed, with prayers, concerns, and stresses running thru my head. I wake up some mornings, feeling down and out.

Last Wednesday, I woke up feeling weak and vulnerable, more than I have in a long time. I just had this sense that day would be a tough day. Sure enough, Renee blows her knee, and we have two kids swearing, fighting, and acting almost possessed for half an hour at camp, in front of a half dozen parents who were watching and the entire group of campers. I know it's strong language to use, but it's true.

Satan is real. He fights hard. He attacks our minds, our patience, our humility, our energy, our love...our ministry.

But God is good, God is bigger, God doesn't need to fight hard, He's already won!!

Pray for me, as I sometimes am overwhelmed with everything going through my head...camps, our team, school, soccer, AIA, church, friends, family...

Pray for our team as we push through the last week and a half. Pray that we can hold each other up and push thru all the crap Satan throws at us, and that we can not only reach these kids, but grow in confidence and humility and love towards our Almighty Father.

Thank you, Jesus, for already winning this war.

"Faith Like a Child..."

"Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, and anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." - Mark 10:13-15

We got a taste of what it's like to receive the kingdom of God like a little child this past week. We helped at Cedar Creek Community Church, in Cambridge, leading their soccer week of camp. A team of 4 champion youth leaders, as well as 8 fantastic other youth, were in the fifth week of their day camps, working with alot of the same kids each week.

This week we had 41 kids, alot of them from unchurched homes, and it was this church's last chance to reach out and show God's love. God blessed the love and passion of this church, and already on Tuesday, small miracles were happening before our eyes. Usually, during the hour long lunch, the kids run around in an organized, chaotic manner, enjoying the lack of schedule. After team time and small group time, they throw down their lunch in three minutes and run around for the last 57 or so.

It was different this week, though, as a few kids started asking for Bibles to read, because they wanted to learn more about what we were sharing with them. They wanted to learn more about Jesus.

So, we gave out 15-18 Bibles between Tuesday and Wednesday, and encouraged them to take them home and read for themselves. However, that wasn't good enough for them. They wanted to start immediately, so they went to a room, sat in a small circle, and began reading. It didn't take long before they started asking questions, showing each other what they were reading, and gaining this sense of excitement that was contagious.

Here are some of the questions and comments that came up in their conversations. None of them were prompted or prodded, these were genuine thoughts and exclamations of how awesome God is:

- "It says here that Jesus is the Messiah. What's a 'Messy-ah'?"

- After reading Matthew 1 - "What's with all the fathers of the fathers business?? I don't get it!"

- "So you're telling me that if Adam and Eve didn't eat the fruit from the tree, we'd all be sitting here naked, and be fine with it??? YUCK!"

- "What is my purpose in life? Why am I on this earth?"

- Here's a conversation Renee overheard between three kids:
"How did Jesus get His name?"
"Oh, I read that in my Bible last night....I'll tell you..."
"I have that right here, let me read it for you!"

- "Now who's the guy that wrote about where Jesus was born?"

- "WHOA"

- "So if I had to go to a birthday party, and I had to give them a gift, is it ok if I just give them a Bible?"

- One kid goes around the circle, counting the each of the people there. Then he says, "There's 13 people here, that means Jesus is here, because I read that if there's two or more people here, He is there too."

- "Can I have another Bible, in case I forget one at my dad's house, then I can still have one at my mother's house?"

- When lunch was over, a coach asked them if they wanted to go out on the slip and slide that was set up. They replied, "No, I think I'd rather just sit in the shade and read my Bible."

It was so humbling this week, to see how amazed these kids were, and how easily they found answers to their own questions. It's funny, because today we are so quick to open the Bible and hope for a verse that jumps out and just speaks to us. Then, we get frustrated when the verse we open to does not directly give us a clear answer to our questions. Sometimes, we get into this mindset that the Bible is an umbrella-type of guide, in the sense that we can't expect to just open our Bible and the answer will jump out at us.

God answered prayer this week, and led the kids who were opening the Bible, for the first time, to the stories and lessons that Jesus taught. Through those words, these kids were just in awe. All the leaders did is stand back and watch, a classic and emphatic demonstration of God moving, in His power, so much further and beyond what we could do.

I think we all learned something this week. We learned and witnessed how interested, excited, and encouraged we should be, wherever we are in the Bible. We learned how alive the Word of God really is. We learned how we've over-complicated the Bible, and gotten away from the awesome, unique, simple love of Christ.

This song came to mind more than once this week, by Jars of Clay, called "Faith Like a Child"

Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear.

Dear God, don't let me fall apart
you've held me close to you
I have turned away and searched
for answers I can't understand.

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe with Faith Like a Child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the
recklessness I walked in light of you

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with Faith Like a Child

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
With Faith Like a Child