This is the third night in a row now that I'm in bed, sitting with my laptop, starting to write something down here on the blog. I try to write about the things going on this summer, first when I was out west, and now as camps push on. It's turned into a simple recording of God showing Himself to me and the people I'm on this journey with.
I'm not sure why it's been hard to sit down and journal, or write this blog, but I do know one thing...
I'm tired...
To be honest, I get frustrated with myself, being tired. Sure, the novelty of the routine/schedule of day after day of camp is wearing off. The beauty of these camps, though, is that even our eighth week, next week, will be with brand new people, brand new kids, and a whole new ministry approach.
The problem is that I'm tired in more ways than just physical. I'm emotionally and spiritually tired. But that's where the frustration comes in.
Why am I frustrated/tired, when all around me there are kids being loved, some in ways they have never been loved before?
Why am I frustrated/tired, when I am surrounded by a family of believers that treat me like a son and brother?
Why am I frustrated/tired, when today at lunch, Brandon, 13, has tears in his eyes as two of us talk to him about how much God loves him, and how he just wants to know what its like to be loved by Jesus?
Why am I frustrated/tired when I know and see God working SO intimately with these camps? At our first camp here in Erin, God held the rain off until 3:01, one minute after camp was over. Yesterday, He held it off until 2:50. Okay, so we had ten minutes of rain...I'll take it. He's got a sense of humour, and I love it.
Why am I frustrated when I have a family at home that loves me unconditionally, and I know I always have a place to go and even escape to if necessary?
I'm learning, baby step by baby step, that we are in a war. Ephesians 6 reminds us that the battles we fight are NOT against flesh and blood, but against the powers of darkness. I used to read that passage and nod in agreement, but that was the extent of my appreciation towards the concept. This summer, though, more than ever, I'm seeing and experiencing this battle in ways that are tiring. I know I just need a good night's sleep, but lie in bed, with prayers, concerns, and stresses running thru my head. I wake up some mornings, feeling down and out.
Last Wednesday, I woke up feeling weak and vulnerable, more than I have in a long time. I just had this sense that day would be a tough day. Sure enough, Renee blows her knee, and we have two kids swearing, fighting, and acting almost possessed for half an hour at camp, in front of a half dozen parents who were watching and the entire group of campers. I know it's strong language to use, but it's true.
Satan is real. He fights hard. He attacks our minds, our patience, our humility, our energy, our love...our ministry.
But God is good, God is bigger, God doesn't need to fight hard, He's already won!!
Pray for me, as I sometimes am overwhelmed with everything going through my head...camps, our team, school, soccer, AIA, church, friends, family...
Pray for our team as we push through the last week and a half. Pray that we can hold each other up and push thru all the crap Satan throws at us, and that we can not only reach these kids, but grow in confidence and humility and love towards our Almighty Father.
Thank you, Jesus, for already winning this war.
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In 'Velvet Elvis', Bell sums it up with those three words....endless, serious, and exhilarating. He says this: "If we take Jesus seriously and actually see it as our responsibility to bind and loose (explore), the implications are endless, serious, and exhilarating. This blog is an attempt on my part to lay out some of the thoughts and struggles I fight in my head and heart, and just as Bell says, this is an endless process, with serious implications, but can be absolutely exhilarating.
6 comments:
I will continue to pray for you my friend.
kris
Amen, and amen!---see you Friday..
prayers are being sent 'up' daily for ya darren. love ya buddy
I'm praying for you buddy.. it's good to hear how Gods working in your life and those around you. I actualy broke down reading your blog, it took me back to my AIA days too. Seeing those kids cry out for Gods love and just being on passion for him. I think everyone needs to be reminded of his love soemtime, and for us , the fortunate enough to have grown up in God loveing homes. So much can be said... Gods doing great things through you sinkie, I just encourage you to give it your all this last week, I know how hard it is and the exhaustion of it, but just remember that these week 8 kids are as important and need Gods presense in there lives as much as that energy excited week one.... It's the home strecth
always in my prayers.
craig
Darren,
Remember the story of Gideon...lowest of the low weak guy but God saw the possiblilies and called him a "man of valour"
You my friend are a man on valour. You are in the trenches and that is why the enemy is attacking you. Focus on one thing JESUS all else will come together and you will be refreshed. We do not have tomorrow (can't take it with us you know :) ) Trust in Him I know that God has amazing things in store for you my dear friend.
Read Gideon...study him and see what God did through this man who was so fearful and so weak...God takes the imp out of impossible and makes things possible..(corny but true)
Love ya...miss you in Erin buddy
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